The Xmen Present: Robin Hood
by Chellerbelle
Summary: The legend of Robin Hood, X-men style. Includes cast and narrator commentary. Just for laughs.


**AN: **Alrightly then. XOXheartAmy, Lizzieturbo, ShivaVixen, Acherlyn and Rogueslove22 all expressed interest in _Robin Hood_. ShivaVixen and Acherlyn both wanted role reversals, which I seriously considered but I really liked my cast line up so... I'll do it for another story, I promise. Rogueslove22 had an interest in a scene from a particular version of _Robin Hood_, so when we hit the waterfall scene, you know who to thank.

Enjoy!

* * *

To say that Remy was not particularly happy about being in chains was an understatement. Yet, here he was, being hauled into the dungeon.

"Ahh," said the Jailer Amara. "If it isn't Remy of LeBeau. I've heard a lot about you. Don't worry, we've saved a spot just for you."

Amara and the guards lead Remy deeper into the dungeon, where he was chained to the wall. Amara emphasised the point by fusing the chains and locks.

* * *

"Oooh kinky," said Gambit.

"And so it begins," Rogue said dryly.

* * *

"Do enjoy your first night here," said Amara. "Think about things a bit. Think very hard about how much you value the life of your precious King. In the morning, the interrogation begins."

* * *

"You know," said Gambit. "With a female jailer an interrogation could be rather interesting."

Amara giggled and Gambit winked at her.

"Hey," Rogue objected.

"Aww, chere, I'm only playing."

* * *

Remy said nothing as Amara and the guards departed. There were many other prisoners in the room, including a box in the centre. What made Remy curious about the box was that it was chained up.

"Well then," Remy said. "What do you folks say we get out of here?"

"That sounds like a great idea," said one of the other prisoners, Roberto. "And the after that we can celebrate with a ten course feast and a barrel of ale."

"Good plan," Remy nodded.

He charged up the chains around his hands and blew them off.

"Oh I like that," Roberto nodded.

Remy chuckled and went around, breaking all the chain for all the prisoners.

"Don't forget Ororo," said Roberto, pointing to the box in the centre of the room. "She tried to escape a few times. That was the only way they could contain her."

Remy walked over to the box and broke the locks. He peered inside to see a white-haired woman, exhausted from fear.

"Come, Ororo, is it? We're getting out of here."

Remy helped Ororo out of the box then charged a new doorway in the wall. With much delight, the prisoners escaped.

* * *

"I do not appreciate you making light of my claustrophobia," Storm said.

**Who's making light?**

"Me!" Roberto joked. "Or I will once I get into the sun again, right?"

**Uh huh.**

* * *

Thus it was that Remy, Ororo and Roberto were on the beach when they came across a ship resting quite comfortably in the bay. A six-armed woman was arguing with a blond man.

"Ahoy there," said Remy.

"Who are you?" the six-armed woman demanded.

"Why, I'm Remy of LeBeau, and these are my friend, Roberto and Ororo. I don't suppose you happen to be headed to England at all?"

"As a matter of fact we are," said the blond. "Well, just as soon as the tide come in anyway..."

"See? Didn't I tell you?"

"Ahem. I'm Captain Longshot, and this is my first mate, Spiral."

"Whatever."

"And this is my ship, Dazzler. Isn't she a beauty? I just love her."

Spiral rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, as soon as the tide comes in we can get going," Longshot nodded.

"Excellent," Remy said.

"Of course, there is the slight matter of payment..." Spiral said.

"Ahem," Ororo said then. "I'm a weather witch. If you're anxious to leave, I'm sure I can not only get us away now, but also ensure fair sailing all the way to England."

Longshot laughed and clapped Spiral on the back.

"See? I told you everything always works out. Let's go then!"

* * *

"Well, that was random," Rogue said.

"Who's Longshot? And Spiral? And why do I get the feeling I'm missing something with the ship being named Dazzler?" Kitty asked.

Remy has to get back to England somehow.

* * *

Much travelling and clear skies later, they arrived in England. The first thing Remy did was head for home, only to discovered that the LeBeau lands had been confiscated by the crown for failure to pay taxes.

Suffice to say that Remy was great incensed by this new development.

* * *

"Which raises a good question," said Rogue. "Does the Thieves Guild pay taxes?"

Gambit just smiled in response.

* * *

"Ahhh! Ahhh!"

Remy, Ororo and Roberto looked around toward the direction of the screaming. Out of the woods came a small boy, waving his arms above his head. He made a beeline for the group.

"Help me! They're after me!" he shouted.

"Calm down," said Remy. "Who's after you?"

Before Remy could answer, the sound of horses approached them, The boy, Jamie, "eep"ed in fright and hid behind them.

"Hand over that boy," commanded the lead rider.

"And why would I want to do that?" asked Remy.

"That boy is guilty of poaching in the King's forest, and as soon as we catch him, he shall be hanged."

"Interesting, but I'm afraid I can't let that happen."

"Excuse me? Do you have any idea who you're talking to?"

"Yep. A white-haired, pointy-nosed buffoon."

He spluttered for a moment before replying:

"I am Pietro! Sheriff of Nottingham."

"Pleasure to meet you. I'm Remy of LeBeau, back from the Crusades."

"Remy of... yes, yes I've heard of you," Pietro nodded. "Welcome home. Kill him."

Pietro's guards got off their horses and drew their swords. Remy sighed.

"Excuse me Remy," Roberto piped up. "I have a question."

"Yes?"

"I was just wondering, how were these guys planning on getting home without their horses?"

Grinning, Roberto projected concussive blasts at the horses, enough to get them running off in fright. Pietro sighed. In a flash he'd gotten off his own horse and ran off with super speed to round up the run away horses. By the time he'd gotten back, however, all his guards were lying unconscious on the ground and Remy and his friends had disappeared.

* * *

"Pah! In-a-fight-I-could-so-kick-your-butt," Pietro said.

"You keep telling yourself dat, boy," Gambit replied.

"I'm just impressed you were able to slow your talking down," Rogue nodded.

* * *

So it happened that Remy, Ororo and Roberto decided to take in young Jamie. And as they journeyed through the LeBeau lands they came across a river with a bridge built across it. Standing in the middle of the bridge was a rather tall, well built man.

"I say there," said Remy. "Would you be so kind as to let us pass?"

"Sure," he replied. "Just as soon as you pay the toll."

"Toll? What toll? This is my land."

"Well, I built this bridge."

"And some mighty fine workmanship it is too."

"Why thank you. I'm Little Pete."

Remy paused and looked the big man up and down.

"_Little_ Pete?" he repeated.

* * *

"Because he has a little -" Gambit began.

"Remy!" Rogue scolded. "That's mean."

"How do you know it's mean? I haven't finished the sentence."

* * *

"Yep," Little Pete replied.

He turned himself into steel, increasing his body size.

"And this is Big Pete."

"I see. I'm Remy of LeBeau."

"Oh really? Nice to meet you. I thought you were off fighting in the Crusades."

"I was, but it lost it's appeal as a holiday destination after I got thrown in prison," Remy replied.

* * *

Rogue laughed.

"That's true. You did get thrown in prison," she teased Gambit.

"It's about time," Warren commented.

"Erm, I didn't really get thrown in prison. I mean, we were already there when the story started so technically I wasn't even arrested," Gambit said.

"He just doesn't like the idea of not being able to say he's never been caught," Rogue nodded.

* * *

When the two could not settle their differences over the toll, they agreed to duel with the use of their starves. The duel ended with Little Pete being knocked into the river. However, Remy being of a good sort, helped Little Pete out of the river and learned that Little Pete and his family had been devastated by then Prince's taxes.

Little Pete decided to invite Remy to join with his gang of fellow outlaws. Amongst them were John and Wanda Scarlet, and Friar Kurt. When Remy learned of all the things the Prince had been doing in their King's absense, he vowed to restore the crown to it's rightful head.

* * *

"Wait, we're both playing Will Scarlet?" Wanda asked.

**I couldn't decide between you.**

"So are they siblings or married?" asked Gambit cheekily.

"Siblings," Toad said the same time Pyro said "Married."

They looked at each other, then looked at Wanda.

"I hate both options," Wanda said.

"If you're siblings then it means I still have a chance, sweetums!" Toad said happily.

"We went out on a date. Normal people don't date siblings," Pyro nodded. "Definitely married."

"Can't we be two separate people who just by coincidence have the same last name?" Wanda asked.

"Where's the fun in that?" asked Gambit.

"I think that both of you should stop pursuing my daughter," said Magneto. "Neither of you deserve her."

"Married," Wanda decided.

"Yes! Defiance of the parent works in my favour once again!" Pyro cheered.

* * *

Pietro zipped into the palace.

"Prince Cain! I have news," he insisted.

Prince Cain thumped his fist down on the arm of his throne, after Pietro's unexpected arrival made him jump with fright.

"Don't do that!"

* * *

"Prince Cain?" Professor Xavier said. "As in, my brother? As in Juggernaut?"

**Yep.**

"Does this mean...?"

**Maybe.**

* * *

"Uhh, sorry. Anyway, as I was saying. Remy of LeBeau has returned from the Crusades."

"... And I care because?"

"He's joined a gang of outlaws."

"... Still not caring."

"They're robbing the rich to feed the poor."

"Blasphemy!"

* * *

"Who would have thought Remy was such a good humanitarian," Logan said dryly.

"This coming from a guy whose catch phrase is 'I'm the best at what I do, but what I do best isn't very nice'," Gambit replied with a smirk.

"At least I have one."

* * *

"Worse! The people _love_ this guy. I've put a bounty on his head, but no one will turn him in. They've even given him a nickname," Pietro nodded. "Remy Hood."

"The tax-evading outlaw gets a nickname and I don't?" Prince Cain demanded. "That's so unfair."

* * *

"Well, yes, I am extremely loveable, aren't I Roguey?" Gambit said.

"Absolutely," Rogue nodded. "Loveable like a cute little puppy dog."

"Do you often kiss dogs, chere?"

"I'm dating you, aren't I?"

* * *

After reporting to the Prince, Pietro started to leave the palace. However, he was halted midrun when his eyes laid upon the beautiful Maid Marie. He zipped over to her, took her hand and kissed it.

* * *

"I object," Gambit said. "That's my thing. And my femme."

He wrapped his arms around Rogue and held her close, glaring at Pietro.

"Possessive, isn't he?" Rogue mused.

* * *

"Marie," Pietro said. "You're looking gorgeous as always."

"Uhh, hi Pietro," Maid Marie replied.

"You never did get back to me about that date..."

"How about a raincheck?"

"You need a raincheck for the raincheck?"

"Uhh, yes."

"Fine," Pietro sighed. "But one of these days, Marie, I'll have you. I'm not very patient."

"I've noticed that."

* * *

"I think it's pretty cool though," Kitty said. "Because like, 'Remy of LeBeau' and 'Robin of Locksley' are pretty close. And so are 'Marie' and 'Marian'."

**Worked out rather well, didn't it?**

* * *

Some days later, Maid Marie and her handmaiden Kitty were travelling home after a day spent at the markets. They were in a carriage and with them were a couple of guards, Logan and Hank.

Little to their knowledge, just a little further down the road, Remy and his men were waiting in ambush.

Logan sniffed.

"What is it?" asked Hank.

"We've got company."

Just as Logan spoke these words, a line of fire grew across the road, causing the horses to rear and back off in fright. Abruptly the carriage stopped and Hank looked down to see bands of blue sparks holding their hooves to the ground.

* * *

"We make a good team, don't we Wanda?" Pyro said smugly.

Wanda rolled her eyes.

* * *

"Good day, friends," Remy said cheerfully, coming into view. "We can either do this the easy way, which is you handing over your valuables and we let you go. Or we can do this the hard way, which involves us kicking your butts, taking your valuables anyway and sending you on your way with a variety of injuries and possibly death."

"I have a better plan. We kick your butts, keep our valuables and take you for a one way trip to the hangman's noose," Logan replied. "Assuming I don't kill you first."

"Oh good, the hard way," Remy replied. "I've been itching for a decent fight."

Logan and Hank dismounted. Remy was joined by Roberto, Ororo, Little Pete, John and Wanda Scarlet.

"You call that decent?" Hank asked "Six against two?"

"Any time you want to surrender..."

* * *

"Notice it was Hank who said that, and not Logan," Gambit smirked. "Logan probably considers those odds to be in his favour."

Logan chuckled.

* * *

After Logan had been taken out by one of Ororo's lighting bolts and Hank had been tussed up like a wild boar -

* * *

"There are just so many smart-alec comments I could make to that," Gambit said. "I just don't know where to begin."

"Lightning bolt wouldn't take me out for long," Logan muttered.

"You would make a pretty good conductor with all that adamanitium though," Storm considered.

**Ahem. As I was saying...**

* * *

Remy opened up the carriage door.

"So, what valuables do we have here?"

His eyes fell on the two women inside and he smiled.

"Ahh, valuables indeed," he said. "I - _Marie_? Marie? Is that you?"

"Remy?" Maid Marie stared.

"Well, now, long time, no - " Remy cut himself off when his attempt to take her hand was foiled when his hand passed straight through her.

"Oh, uhh, Kitty, it's okay," Maid Marie said. "You can unphase me now."

Kitty gave Remy a suspicious look and reluctantly made them both tangible again. The first thing Maid Marie did was to slap Remy across the face.

"That was for ambushing my carriage, you two bit thug."

"You wound me," Remy replied, rubbing his cheek. "I'd never hurt a lady. Especially not a childhood friend."

Maid Marie slapped him again.

"And that was for leaving without saying good bye. And you call yourself a gentleman."

"My apologies. Well, now, we are in a bit of a spot, aren't we? Here I am supposed to be robbing you, and I find I don't want to."

"Then don't."

"But there are hungry people out there."

"Unless they can eat clothes, we have nothing of value to them," Maid Marie replied.

"Out shopping?"

"You should have ambushed us on the way there if you wanted money."

"I'll remember that," Remy considered. "Tell you what, we'll let you go, and you get to pass on a message to Prince Cain."

"What message?"

Remy reached out and took her hand, this time with success.

"Tell him that Remy of LeBeau has decided that it's past time for justice to be served. He has usurped the crown and I will see to it that it is restored to it's proper owner."

"Good luck with that. You know, there is a price on your head."

"Yeah? How much?"

"A hundred pounds."

"Psh only a hundred? I need to work harder."

Maid Marie chuckled.

"I'll pass on your message, Remy."

"Thank you," Remy replied.

He kissed her hand and she snatched it away. Remy grinned at her and began to leave.

"Oh, and Remy?"

"Yes, Marie?"

"Do me a favour, would you? Take a bath."

"A bath?"

* * *

Gambit started laughing.

"Well, I agree actually," Rogue decided. "You do need a bath occasionally."

"Oh I am going to love this," Gambit said gleefully.

"Am I missing something?"

"Can I assume you've never seen the Kevin Costner version of _Robin Hood_?"

"Umm, no."

"You're in for a treat then."

* * *

Suffice to say Prince Cain and Pietro were not at all happy to receive Maid Marie's message. Together they plotted to capture Remy. Both somewhat negligent in that chatter, didn't stop to consider that Maid Marie had heard every word. That night, Maid Marie and Kitty slipped out of the palace and made their way to Remy's camp.

* * *

"How do we know where the camp is?" asked Kitty.

**Umm... Remy told you after they ambushed you. You never did hear anything else of their conversation after Maid Marie told Remy Hood to take a bath.**

"Oh. Right."

"Wouldn't that be a breach of security?" asked Piotr.

**Probably, but they're in love, so y'know.**

* * *

"Halt! Who goes there!"

Maid Marie and Kitty on their horses trotted into view of Bobby and Ray who had been standing guard.

"We do," Maid Marie replied. "I'm here to see Remy. I have urgent news. Where is he?"

"Uhh well, he's a little busy at the moment," Bobby said.

"And you haven't told us who you are," Ray added.

* * *

"Yay we get to be merry men too," Bobby said.

"That sounds so wrong."

**There are merry women too. Stop being silly.**

"It's probably the wine," Kurt decided.

* * *

"No!" Bobby shouted. "You can't go down there."

"Watch me," Maid Marie replied, striding forth in the direction the sentries had told her Remy was in.

"But he's not expecting you."

"You'll fall."

"Men," Kitty sighed.

"Tell me about it," Maid Marie agreed.

She stopped abruptly in the middle of making her way down the rocky hillside when her eyes fell on the waterfall, and more importantly, on the sight of the lone figure in the lake.

The lone, naked figure.

Unaware of his visitors, but done with his swim, Remy stood to dry and change back into his clothes, giving his visitors a fantastic view of his behind.

* * *

"Naked Remy!"

"Wow, you're so lucky Rogue. What I would give to just -"

"Tabitha!"

"What? I'm just saying."

"Rogue's blushing!"

"You are such an exhibitionist, Remy."

"No I'm not. If I was, I would have turned around."

* * *

"Remy!" Bobby called. "You have visitors!"

Remy turned around, smirked and made his way up the hillside.

"Enjoy the show?" he asked.

"Just... just what were you doing?" Maid Marie replied, refusing to rise to the bait.

"Taking a lady's advice."

* * *

"I love that line," Gambit chuckled.

"That's nice for you," Rogue replied.

"You liked it."

* * *

"Prince Cain and Pietro are plotting to kill you," Maid Marie said once they were back at camp. "They plan to hold an archery contest. The prize shall be a golden arrow, to be presented to the winner by myself."

"Fascinating," Remy said thoughtfully.

"Remy, you can't go. It's all a trap just to get to you. Promise me you won't go."

"Okay, I promise you won't go."

"Good, I... wait..."

Remy silenced her with a kiss.

* * *

"Smooth. Very smooth," Pyro said.

"You would think that," Wanda said.

"Yes, I know," Gambit replied. "But not now, I'm busy."

He cupped Rogue's face in his hands and kissed her sweetly.

* * *

Maid Marie and Kitty enjoyed the rest of the night at the camp and returned to the palace before the dawn.

The day of the archery contest arrived. Unable to resist the challenge, Remy arranged to go there in disguise as an old man.

* * *

"Typical," Rogue commented.

"Hey I'm not done kissing you yet," Gambit replied.

* * *

The archers lines up and on the mark, shot one arrow towards the targets. Only two hit the bullseye. The others were dismissed. Naturally, Remy was one of the remaining archers. The other was a young man named Evan.

Evan was first to make his second shot and impressed the crowd when he hit the very centre of the target. Unperturbed, Remy made his shot. He charged up the arrow and it sliced right through Evan's arrow as it hit the centre of the target with a bang. The crowd went wild.

With a smirk on his face, Remy approached the stand to collect his prize. However, when he was just steps away from Maid Marie, Pietro intervened.

"Congratulations, Remy of LeBeau."

There was a hush. The smirk never left his face as Remy removed his disguise.

"You're under arrest! Seize him!"

* * *

"Ah ha! Now you're being arrested," Warren grinned at Gambit.

"Umm, no actually it's Robin Hood -"

"Remy Hood -"

"Who's being arrested. I am but an actor playing a role."

"Any way to weasel out of it."

"Hey no one really thinks you're a talking seagull."

"... Shut up."

* * *

The guards set upon Remy. Overwhelmed by the numbers, Remy found himself well and truly caught.

"You will be hanged at sunset," Pietro declared.

"No, you can't!" Maid Marie objected.

"Can't?"

"Please, Pietro, let him go."

"Now after all the trouble he's been causing, why would I want to do a thing like that?"

Maid Marie was silent for a moment.

"If you let him go, I'll marry you."

"No! Marie!" Remy objected. "My life isn't worth it."

"Done!" Pietro decided.

* * *

"So," Gambit said, glaring at Pietro. "You have to resort to blackmail to get a femme."

"Whatever-man," Pietro dismissed. "It's-not-like-we don't-already-know-how-this-story-ends."

"Minor detail."

* * *

So it happened at sunset there was a wedding alter setup near a set of gallows. With much delight, the executioner, Victor, fitted Remy with a noose.

* * *

"I'm the executioner!" Sabretooth cheered, then paused. "Does it have to be hanging?"

**Yes.**

"Question," Gambit said. "I can blow stuff up. Why have I not escaped already?"

**Umm... Sabretooth has an assistant.**

"I do?"

**Yes.**

* * *

"Now, you keep a close eye on this one, Dorian," Victor said. "He's sneaky."

"Yes sir," replied Dorian.

* * *

"But... but Dorian's just a kid," Rogue objected. "You can't make him an executioner's assistant! That's just wrong."

**Blame Remy for picking holes in my plot.**

* * *

Before long, Maid Marie came down to the alter, arm in arm with Pietro.

"What's all this about?" she demanded, gesturing to the gallows.

"Just in case you change your mind."

* * *

"I thought you said you weren't going to parody _Men in Tights_," Kitty giggled.

**What can I say? It's the version I'm most familiar with. It's hilarious! But I took bits and pieces from other versions too and then made up my own stuff because mutant powers are fun. There isn't really much in the way of a consistent story, y'know.**

* * *

"Do you, Pietro, Sheriff of Nottingham take this women -"

"Yes, yes, get on with it."

"And do you Marie of Darkholme take this man..."

As the priest spoke, Remy's men gathered at the edge of the crowd. Before Maid Marie could say "I do" Roberto shot a concussive blast at the noose, breaking the rope. Now free, Remy tackled Victor, and his merry men the rest of the guards who dared try to interfere.

"Hi sugah," Rogue said softly to Dorian. "Sorry, but it's probably better if you don't witness any of this anyway."

She reached out an absorbed Dorian, thus releasing Remy's powers.

* * *

"Well, that's some consolation, I suppose," Rogue muttered.

**Hey with everyone else using their powers in this story, I could hardly leave you out!**

* * *

Pietro ran for Remy, but Remy was waiting for him. Having pre-generated a charge, all he had to do was wait for Pietro to hit him and promptly charged up all his clothes.

"Best get those off before you blow," Remy smirked at him.

Pietro proceeded to win the Guinness world record for getting undressed. His clothes exploded and he was left wearing nothing but his underwear. Humiliated, Pietro made a break for it.

* * *

"I like it!" Gambit chuckled.

"I don't," Pietro muttered.

"Hey, at least you still have your underwear. It would have been really ugly if I had charged those too."

* * *

"That's enough!" shouted Prince Cain. "I've had quite enough of you, Remy Hood!"

Prince Cain ran towards Remy. Remy dodged neatly out of the way.

* * *

"Not gonna charge his clothes too?" Pietro asked sarcastically.

"Nah. Then we'd all end up with Juggernaut body matter all over ourselves. I've already had one bath," Gambit paused. "Although, if I could get him close to Maid Marie, then we'd both get dirty and maybe we could bathe together? Ooh, I like this plan."

"You had to ask, didn't you Speedy?" Rogue said dryly.

Gambit chuckled.

* * *

Remy whirled around, leapt upon Prince Cain's back and charged up the locks that kept the crown in place. Because Prince Cain was taking the whole usurping the crown thing just a little bit too far. The locks blew, the crown flew into the air and fell onto the ground.

"Noooooo!" Prince Cain yelled.

He made a grab for it, but Remy neatly picked it up with his staff just in time.

"No, indeed," he said. "This shall be returned to it's rightful owner."

"Ha! I'm the rightful owner! King Charles died in the Crusades!"

"Did not."

"Did so."

"Did not."

"Did so."

"Did not."

"Did so."

"Not."

"So."

"Not.

"So."

* * *

"Umm Chellerbelle?" said Rogue.

**Hmm?**

"Don't you think you're getting a little carried away here?"

**... Possibly.**

* * *

Their childish argument was halted by the neigh of a horse, and into view trotted none other than King Charles and a band of his loyal guards.

"Told you so," Remy nodded.

He walked over to King Charles and bowed deeply before holding up the crown to him.

"Your Majesty," he said, "Please, allow me to return to you this sign of your authority, and welcome you back to England."

* * *

"Woohoo!" cheered Professor Xavier. "I am the king. I am the king."

He proceeded to do a little happy dance in his wheelchair. Everyone looked at each other.

"Let him have his moment," Magneto advised.

"Oh yeah, oh yeah," Professor Xavier continued. "It's my birthday. It's my birthday."

"Really?" asked Jamie. "Happy birthday, Professor. I'm sorry, I didn't get you a present."

* * *

"Thank you, Remy of LeBeau," King Charles the Lionheart replied grandly. "I see you've been causing trouble again."

"Only the best kind."

"Hmm, yes, well, remind me to give you a knighthood."

"Okay. Remember to give me a knighthood."

"Thank you. Now, about this no-account little brother of mine."

"England is mine!" Prince Cain declared.

He ran for King Charles. Rolling his eyes, King Charles sent out a psychic blast that knocked Prince Cain out. There was silence for a moment and then finally, King Charles spoke again.

"There we go," he said. "Now when he wakes up, he's going to think he's a five year old girl. We should find someone to braid his hair."

* * *

"I like it," Kitty giggled. "But he doesn't have that much hair."

**I just couldn't resist. Besides, they don't have stasis chambers.**

* * *

"Marie," said Remy, taking her hand and kissing it. "Since we already have everything for a wedding already, perhaps you would do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

"That depends," Maid Marie replied. "Were you planning on being my husband too?"

"Umm, yes."

"Sounds good to me."

And so it was that Remy Hood and Maid Marie were married then and there. The ceremony was conducted by Friar Kurt (the priest who had been there before skedaddled when then fighting started). Remy became Sir Remy of LeBeau and his first decision was to make Ororo the new sheriff.

"A black sheriff?" was the stunned reaction from the crowd.

* * *

Everyone looked up at the ceiling.

**I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself.**

Everyone sighed in unison.

**What? It worked in _Men in Tights_ and in _Blazing Saddles_.**

Silence.

**Some people have no sense of humour.**

* * *

King Charles restored the kingdom, returning the excess taxes and pardoning all those who became outlaws under Prince Cain's rule.

Prince Cain spent the rest of his days thinking he was Princess Caitlyn. Kitty and Little Pete got together. So did Ororo and Logan (after he healed from the lightning bolt, guess there were no hard feelings there).

* * *

"Actually I'd say there were plenty of hard feelings..." Gambit joked.

Snikt.

"Hi Logan."

"You watch your mouth, Cajun before I make gumbo out of you."

"You can make gumbo? Why Logan, I had no idea you had culinary expertise."

* * *

And everyone lived happily ever after.

Except possibly Pietro.

The end.

* * *

"Well, that was fun. So, Roguey, how do you feel about recreating the waterfall scene?" Gambit asked. "In private."

"That wouldn't really be recreating it, Swamp Rat," Rogue pointed out. "There were three other people there."

"How about creating outtakes of the waterfall scene?"

"Are you sure you're not an exhibitionist, Remy?"

"Hey, I said in private."

"Good," said Logan. "Because one nude scene with you is more than I ever wanted."

"Yeah, I agree," Warren nodded.

"Don't need to see that," Piotr agreed.

"Me neither," Pyro added.

"We were actually in the scene," Bobby said.

"Yeah, so... yeah..." Ray nodded.

"Hey Rogue," Kitty grinned.

"What?"

"Have you like, noticed the only ones complaining are all guys?"

Rogue paused, looked around the room and took in all the grins on the girls faces.

"My Remy," she said with narrowed eyes.

Gambit laughed and snuggled with his Rogue.


End file.
